You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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