What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
