I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
