Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
