What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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