Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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