Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
