On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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