My liver just broke up with me...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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