I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
