You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
