420 ftw
I'm drive I can fine osifer
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
