Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wish my penis had a tongue
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
