Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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