haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
