Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
