Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
