i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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