why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
