I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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