Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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