Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
