I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
