I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
