I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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