Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize