I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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