a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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