Christians are straight up FREAKS
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
