WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
