It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
