Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize