I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
