He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
