everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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