OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
