It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize