Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
