His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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