so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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