Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
