I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
where does the pee come out of this thing
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
