I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
