Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
