Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
