you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
