Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
