Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
