my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
