Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
