I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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