i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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