walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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