Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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