the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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