i need an iv and a liver transplant
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
