Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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