We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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