direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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