Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
