he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
