I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And then he peed in my hair
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