is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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