I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
