Joe is yelling at the trees again.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
