don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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