Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
