the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
