i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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