and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
