Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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